Where to begin?
The best place to begin, I have always felt, is in the beginning.
I was born in Thakria. While very young, and attending to my schooling, I found few people around me, in my home city, who would reach out a hand to a young one, either the hand of friendship, or guidence. I felt very isolated, and alone.
One day, while exploring, I met two people: Stray, and Amun, who immediately befriended me. They encouraged me, they helped me, they became true friends. They answered all my myriad questions, and the gods know, there were hundreds. They were patient and kind, loyal and brave, helpful and hilarious. They are the main reason I decided to continue in Avalon.
I made up my mind that the profession of a Ranger was well suited to me. I became an apprentice, but, at that time, there were simply no Rangers about.
I continued to spend my time with Amun and Stray, and their friends became my friends. I continued my barrage of endless questions about Avalon, Guilds, Professions, and everything else I could think of.
As more and more of my questions were answered, I thought perhaps the correct path for me would be the same that had been chosen by Stray: that of a Mage.
Stray approached Agarwain on my behalf, and I became a Mercinaen Citizen and an Apprentice Mage at very nearly the same instant.
I will never have enough good things to say to my guildmates in the Mages Guild. They were helpful, patient, kind, and most importantly, they were my friends. They still are.
As time went on, I discoved a deplorable weakness in myself: not a personal weakness, but a weakness for the profession I had chosen. I hated to hurt, much less kill, anything or anyone. Agarwain, Stray, Firentz....all of them tried to encourage me to learn to fight. They tried, bless their hearts, to make a Mage of me. But they knew, as did I, that it was probably not the right path for me. I began looking into other possible options. This included speaking at length with those of the Animist Guild. I soon realized where my true calling was, but I had devoted so much time and work into my Mage Apprenticeship, I was loathe to throw it all away and begin anew. It was a time of deep soul-searching and personal reflection for me. A time when I realized I needed to find a path true to what I felt was right, and good, and true. A path would be completely content to walk for the rest of my Avalonian life.
Around this time, I met a new friend by the name of Mazrackia. He was a Ranger. He was one of the kindest, gentlest people I had ever met. He had a brilliant sense of humor, he was extremely helpful, and, as I mentioned previously, very kind. He devoted much time to me, being a friend and a mentor. And maybe, perhaps, a little more.
At the time I met Mazrackia, I also met another fellow named Dante. Dante and I had a little flirtation, my first in Avalon. During this time, Mazrackia make it known to me that he cared for me, as more than a friend. Enjoying the attentions of two incredible men, I hesitated making a choice. Then one day, Mazrackia and I spoke. It hit me like a stone between the eyes that my poor judgement had very possibly cost me the affection of this kind, gentle man. I went to Mazrackia, thoroughly ashamed of my behavior, and we were together from that point forward.
Until the day that Mazrackia and Mercinae came to a parting of ways. I had never seen Mazrackia so hurt, so filled with anger. He felt betrayed by not only his city, but by his friends. By all of us. At that point, he began pulling away from me. Finally, the day came when he left. He just left. No goodbye. No "I need some time to think" no nothing. He was just gone. I suppose maybe he did not realize that he had taken my heart with him when he left, but he had.
Journal, that is all I have for you now. I shall contine at a later time. Adieu.

Why did I choose to become an Animist? Why do I want to be a "slave" to others, living only to heal, to restore, to tend herbs? Why do I not wish to be famous for my bravery and daring?
Initially, I decided to become an Animist because I do not wish to cause harm to any living creature, man nor beast. To me, it is far braver to heal than to hurt. I consider myself in no way a slave to anyone, rather, I have far more freedom than most in Avalon. As for fame, if people remember me as a good person, a kind heart, then I have left my mark.
As for power, do not mistake: Animists have power. Plenty of it. But the power of the Animist is a quiet power. It is a power that does not write itself in blood, but a power that flows from the Animist to all they touch, directly or indirectly. We tend to the forest, in turn, the forests protect us and empower us. If we serve no purpose, then why are we called upon when someone dies? When the great fighters need healing herbs, where do the fighters turn? What happens to those great fighters when they have no herbs to heal their wounds, to strengthen and shield them from attack, and no antidotes to the poisons of their enemies? They die. How well can they function without herbs? I am sure they can function. But take away the Athillias, the Megillos, Malloran, Ucklice and Lestagii. Makes life harder, I promise.
We have the power to bring the dead back to life. We have the power to heal the most horrific of wounds. We are life. This is why I am an Animist.
When you see a dead fox cub, do you walk past? I do not. I will stop, and I will restore life to it. I do not have to do it, I want to do it. When the new people in Avalon need someone to hold their hands and guide their steps, again, I do not have to do it, I want to do it. When people from all cities come to me for herbs, I give them happily, because I get great joy and great satisfaction from helping others.
If I have helped someone heal after an injury, I have won a victory. If I have helped someone avoid death by providing an antidote to poison, I have won a battle. My glory is in life, not death. If I can bring a smile to the face of an LW by sparing a kind word and a bit of time, I have won the day. So you see, I am a very powerful woman. I am an Animist.

Some things confuse me. I suppose they always will. Perhaps the reason my mind cannot understand some things is not lack of ability, but very stong resistance. I have been accused of being blind to the world around me, of seeing only what I want to see. To a degree, I think it must be true.
I try to see the GOOD in every person, be they good, or be they evil. I have found, if you try really hard, it is possible to find a kernal of good in the most evil of people. Of course the evil is much easier to see, as it is far more blatent. But I have seen the most evil of Avalonians reach out a hand in friendship or help, more times than I can count. Does this make the evildoer good? Of course not. Does it mean the evildoer has a KERNAL of good within them? Of course it does. Oftentimes, people see the evil and look no further. I look further. As you can probably guess, this has bitten me in the ass many a time! I see that kernal of good, and I try, sometimes foolishly, to bring it to fruition. I reach one time too many to pet a demon and it bites my hand off. But I continue to try, nonetheless.
I trust people, unconditionally, until they give me good reason to NOT trust them. Again, foolishness on my part, I have been told by those around me. But does not every man or woman deserve a chance? More than one chance? Everyone makes mistakes, or errors in judgement. Does that make them unredeemable? Of course not! But it is much easier for the majority of people to simply not trust at all, or stop trusting, than it is to forgive and trust again. Again, this has bitten me in the butt more than once. Has it changed me? No. Not really at all.
I will always trust those around me, until it has been proven to me time and again that I CANNOT trust a person. And even then, if they ask for another chance, I will gladly give it.
I will always look for the good, until it has been proven to me that there is not a shred of good. (That has never happened, by the way.)
Do I see evil and selfishness as the motivation for every thought, deed, and action that is made by people? NO! If I saw the world that way: that every person is motivated only by their own selfish wants and needs, and that behind every action or deed is a kernal of evil, selfish motivation: I do not think I could continue to live in a world so bleak and hopeless. Were I to look at the world, and the people in it, including myself, that way, I would have no reason to go on. Nor any wish to go on.
When someone does something kind to assist me, if I analyze it to death, trying to find their selfish motivation for their act of kindness, does it not suck the joy of the act away? Does it not destroy the happiness my heart feels to see someone being kind to their fellow man?
Perhaps I am blind, or ignorant, or both. I am sure many view me as naive and weak because of my view of the world. But if they could just see what a beautiful world it is from my point of view! If they could see the joy in each simple act of kindness, in each kind word! Seeing the world and the people in it negatively, to me, would be seeing a world in black, white and gray. But add kindness, trust, goodness, and altruism, and the joy found within them, and the world bursts into a myriad of brilliant colors! If it is blindness or ignorance to choose the joy and the colors of life, then I hereby make an informed decision to contine to be ignorant and blind, and to live my life with joy and passion, trust, kindness, and love!